I moved to a new home at the end of June and have been continuing to struggle physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I cannot seem to get my footing with improving my health but I am not giving up.  I am aware that it will take time and that it involves two steps forward and one step back.  One thing I have cultivated in the course of this illness and my life experience is the ability to endure and persevere.  I definitely feel like I want to give up at times or that I just cannot endure any more suffering but I always make it through.  I also know that I can draw upon the strength of my spirit, God, source.  However you conceptualize it, it is an abundant and limitless energy that is linked to your authentic and eternal self.   Sometimes I forget I have access to this but when I do remember and draw upon it, it is a well of comfort and strength.  One thing I know is that I am committed to always seeking goodness, love, strength, and healing.  I am like a moth seeking the flame, the light.  I want to be victorious and to emerge from my struggles and challenges renewed and whole.  I often feel broken into a million pieces and perplexed and overwhelmed with the task of putting myself back together but I won’t give up trying.  This is my commitment. So, this is where I am at:

1. I am seeing a new doctor, an endocrinologist.  My tests have revealed numerous abnormalities I need to address and try to correct.  I have started taking some new medications and supplements.  I will go into further details in future posts.
2. I would like to start regular exercise again.  Due to declining health and running out of my physical therapy benefits for the year I have not been consistent with going to the pool (aqua therapy) and working with weights to strengthen my muscles and prevent deconditioning.  I felt stronger when I was doing these consistently and must make them a priority in my life again.
3. I am working on eating healthy meals and limiting sugar.  I eat an organic, paleo diet.  Fatigue often makes cooking or meal preparation challenging.  Emotional pain, anxiety, and depression make me want comfort foods like chocolate and salty snacks.  I limit what I have around to help deal with this.  I also try to cook in large batches so I have food for multiple meals and I have a chair on wheels in the kitchen so I can sit while cooking which helps me control the tachycardia from the dysautonomia/ POTS better and experience less fatigue.
4. I see a therapist every week to help me cope with the stress of having an illness, family relationships, and grief over my mom’s death and the losses I have an endured as a result of the illness.  This is an ongoing process but my sessions bring me comfort and strength.

I have been meaning to blog for a few years now.  However, taking care of my mother became my primary focus as she was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2012 and died 9 months ago.  Under the stress and heartbreak of all of this, my own health has deteriorated quite a bit and it has been discovered that I have a form of dysautonomia (autonomic nervous system dysfunction) known as Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.  This is common in ME/CFS/ Fibo patients.  As I write this I have a pounding headache and tremendous brain fog but I don’t care.  I’m happy to just be writing and want to share my journey towards reclaiming my health and my life and all that I have learned along the way. I don’t have any preconceived notions about exactly how this will go but I promise to be honest and open with wherever I am at, whatever I am experiencing, and whatever I am learning as I take steps every day.  I have lived long enough with chronic illness to know that the path to wellness will not be linear and that there will be challenges and setbacks.  However, I know I will persevere and I fully believe I can achieve greater health and happiness.  I look forward to sharing more soon.

This blog has been an idea, an internal nudge, for many months now.  I kept thinking of excuses as to why I needed to put it off: I am not well enough, who cares what I think, there are too many other things going on in my life right now, I don’t really know what I am doing, and on and on.  The bottom line is that to fulfill our goals and discover our potential we often have to face fear, doubt, and uncertainty and do it anyway, so here I am and welcome.

I am on a mission to create the best life possible, a life that includes the realities of Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (abbreviated CFIDS or CFS for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and Fibromyalgia. This blog will include information about these illnesses, but will also be about much more than that.  It is about my personal journey to resurrect my life and the important and transformative lessons I have learned along the way.  It is about moving forward in spite of my limitations and fears.  It is about becoming a stronger, better, wiser person.  It is about taking my power back.

The Wanderers’ Well is for anyone on this human journey no matter what unique challenges you may be facing.  I hope that this becomes a place to share and explore ideas, gather tools and resources, feel understood and supported, and find inspiration and motivation to become our best selves and live our best lives.